Friday, August 23, 2013

Nada te turbe (Are we there yet? Home, home, home)

Nada te turbe is one of my favorite songs from TaizĂ©.

"Nada te turbe, nada te espante, quien a Dios tiene, nada le falta. Nada te turbe, nada te espante, solo Dios basta."

"Nothing can trouble, nothing can frighten, those who seek God shall never go wanting. God alone fills us."

It's true right? Have you ever been terrified of something happening? "I hope X doesn't happen. I can be okay through everything else, but if X happens, I just don't know what I will do."

I have thought this many times about things great and small. I sheepishly admit that most of the examples I can think of now seem quite trivial, but at the time seemed like much bigger deals. I've thought about it a lot during this season of engagement. One of the things I was very, very concerned about was where Caleb and I would be living. We had several options, but my big plan was this: I had to be out of my place by August 1. We are getting married on August 31. No problem. I would move into our new place and settle, then Caleb would join me.

This is almost our kitchen!
Welp. It hasn't worked like that. At all. All the way up until the end of July, all I could think of was how much I didn't want to move twice. But the world didn't end. I moved into Caleb's parents' basement and it's actually been great. As it turns out, I am not sure when we will be able to move. Probably not until after we get back from our honeymoon. (I really wanted to be moved in somewhere by the second or third week in August because heaven forbid we had to move on wedding week. And, I thought, there is no way we are moving in after the wedding, we need to have that DONE.)

But it didn't work out that way. And guess what? It's fine. The world is not spontaneously combusting because my plans did not work out.

I have learned a lot during this process about being assertive, something that is a bit challenging for me (unless I really want something, dang it). I have learned about holding my ground when something is important to me and not caving just to resolve tense moments.

I have also learned about letting go of attachments, the things that I think will cause the world to fall apart if they don't happen the way I want. I have learned this lesson the hard way, staying up all night stressed about it, calling Caleb in the middle of the night to review how my plans are not working.

I am in no way finished learning about the dynamic balance and interaction between these two: holding my ground and learning to let go, but I am learning about letting nothing trouble or frighten. I believe that because of this, when the dust settles and I have an extra measure of space to reflect, I will find myself stronger and a little more flexible in spirit.

"Nada te turbe, nada te espante, quien a Dios tiene, nada le falta. Nada te turbe, nada te espante, solo Dios basta."

Monday, August 19, 2013

First comes love, then comes marriage (but in between is engagement)

Some gratitude for all the little things that keep me keeping on:

  1. Mr. Caleb himself - because no one should have to undergo wedding planning without the person they are going to marry by their side. 
  2. My parents, who have been working their tails off. 
  3. A cozy bed to sleep in, in the basement - seriously. Why would anyone make their bedroom upstairs when it could be in a cozy, dark, cold basement? 
  4. Routines.
    1. Tongue scraping and warm water in the morning (sounds weird, but I love it)
    2. Lovely smelling lavender any time of day because it's the all-purpose essential oil: Stress? Need a pick-me-up? Can't sleep? Can't wake up? Dry skin? Bug bite? Pimple? Sore muscles? Lavender is the answer. 
    3. Monday night yoga with Caleb
    4. Church, talking with friends about normal, everyday life
    5. Tutoring my favorite kiddos
    6. Chocolate snack time. Yes, this is a (daily) routine
  5. Listening to my iPod at work. It's an iPod mini, remember those? It has a click wheel and only turns on a backlight when you manually select that option. The music keeps open a space in my soul. Current faves: Taize, Aradhna, Trevor Hall, Nahko Bear. And some occasional top forty to keep me bouncing on my exercise ball. (Also I am grateful for my exercise ball)
  6. WORK! I am so grateful that nothing new and crazy is happening in my work-life. I actually feel relieved to go there sometimes because it means I don't have to worry about if I should be wedding planning. 
  7. FRIENDS! Caleb and I have had a lot of help from our peeps. 
  8. I am happy I have switched from lotion to oil because it feels so luxurious to put on my hands. And right now, little luxuries are very much treasured. Also, it has less creepy ingredients. 
  9. Baths. 
I think Caleb summarized what this time has been like for us, "Normally under this much stress I wouldn't be able to sleep. But I'm so exhausted that I have no problem sleeping."

We are so close.

Same love.

I heard this song today. I don't know how long it's been on the radio, but I think it could lead to some really interesting dialogue... I didn't watch the video actually, but just listened. It's not often that we hear a reflective song on the top 40.